The first year after Emmett's diagnosis I spent every second consumed in research and trying to learn everything possible about Autism and Fragile X Syndrome.
While also trying to learn about my daughter's Fragile X diagnosis, then Emmett again.
The epilepsy, Autism, Intellectual disability it was none stop train.
I was probably sleeping 3 hours per night.
To top it off Emmett was not sleeping he was also running on no sleep.
I was consumed by the amount of appointments every week, and going all over the place trying to find the best medical, and therapy team for Emmett.
I had worn myself out.
I was tired and felt overwhelmed.
The stress was worth it though it will always be worth it.
Nothing in life comes easy.
Everything was accomplished I found Emmett all the services he deserves and needs.
Emmett has an incredible team that believes in him and works really hard to teach him the way he learns.
I got use to our crazy schedules, the therapies, and appointments.
I recall hearing about the process a special needs parent goes trough after the diagnosis.
My therapist"yes I had to resort to therapy for my own mental sanity" would ask if I felt anything like denial, guilt, regret, or if I was grieving.
Grieving I thought was crazy my child was not dying.
Little did I know that I would began to grieve within the next few months.
I never thought it would happen to me.
When Emmett was born I had a vision of how he would be, I dream he would play sports, go to school, have friends, get a job, move out, and have a family one day.
Every one of those visions came tumbling down.
My therapist told me to write down all the dreams I had for Emmett before his diagnosis then look over them and throw them away.
Then later when your ready write down all the dreams you have for Emmett after knowing his diagnosis.
So I can say I am ready I have written my goals and dreams for Emmett.
Boy do I have a lot.
I have big expectations for my little guy.
I realized that regardless if you have a typical child or a special needs child you will still have dreams and goals for your kiddos.
This year Emmett played in a special needs baseball team.
I can honestly say it was the best thing ever!
His team mates are so incredible.
They don’t care about the score, or who plays better.
All they care about is to be part of a team, and they were so welcoming to Emmett they accepted him for who he is.
Yes Emmett spent most of the game playing with the dirt on the ground or eating snacks.
We never got rude stares or comments when Emmett wasn't having it.
Instead we got support we got smiles.
Perhaps not the school I had envision in my dreams but who cares at the end of the day all that matters is that he is happy, and learning.
His friends are usually his siblings or his therapist.
I am ok with that those people make Emmett happy.
He might not ever move out but I am okay growing old next to him.
He doesn’t need to have a family of his own he already has a family.
It took a long time for me to realize that my son was falling behind, and that he might never catch up with his peers.
I have accepted the fact, and began to look for all the amazing things Emmett does.
The way he sees the world is so careless and free.
He sees people's true personalities without ever talking to them.
I find that to be amazing.
I am not giving up on him I am just accepting the things I can't control and embracing the things I can.
I feel more calm, and content with my life.
I can say I am happy for our family.
We get this incredible opportunity to see the world in a way few people get to experience it.
I am ok with my son having special needs.
Yes I still have stress, and Emmett is still struggling every single day.
I still cry on those hard days, or when Emmett has some regression.
Yes if their is ever a cure for Fragile X I will take it.
Their isn't anything I wouldn't do to make Emmett's life a little easier.
But the amazing thing is that I am no longer crumbling at every single struggle.
I walk out of appointments with specialists without a single tear in my eye.
Whereas before I would break down every single time.
I have become a pro at Emmett's combination of medications I literally have memorized them.
It has made me realized how precious life is and to treasure every single moment.